Dear you and me

anahata

2006-09-11T22:17:47Z

I'm smiling now
inside my head and chest

and there's a glowing below my sternum

In case you missed it.... Time Mag and Best Buy..

2006-04-17T04:22:52Z

Okay so like, freaking, shit man!

I went to Best Buy in January because I had a gift card there, so I decided to get some cd's, and I went $10 over my gift card amount, so I payed for that with my debit card. The dude at the check out stand was like, "hey what kind of free magazine do you want?" I was like, "I don't want a magazine" and he was like "It's free, you get like 4 issues of any of these for free" and I asked him, "Do I have to do anything special, are they going to charge me money if i don't cancel the thing or whatever?" and he was like, "No, no, it's free" So I was like, shit, "okay" ..............................

and so....

guess what?

Today I went and looked at my bank account, and have an overdraft charge, because of an unexpected $25 charge from Best-Buy/Time Magazine, they never even told me they were going to charge me! WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So yeah, I'm going in to Best Buy tomorrow, gonna tell them how they messed up my shit, and I'm calling Time Mag and telling them how they messed up my shit, and the bank and telling them how they let these guys mess up my shit.

And so, one of these companies is going to give me my $50 back, one way or another. Small Claims court is free man. ..... but shit.... what a bunch of jerks.

Never ever accept 'free' magazines from someone who has your debit card number.

::sigh::

Anyone want to come watch a movie with me?

(haha, copy and paste everywhere!)

I dont know about having myspace and LJ, it's just too much for me

I use the MS as my journal, and LJ as my space... lots of space, i never even write in it...

ah jeez

vday and i need a hair cut

2006-02-10T06:44:22Z

its true i need a hair cut

hmm
what to do

i kindof want a date for valentines day, but i'm not sure that's going to happen.. its pretty soon and i dont know ..

:(

oh well

life is all great and all, but i do miss having some real passionate love in my life

:/

space ships

i watched star trek today, it was great

i had nothing to do

it was time well spent

the dress rehersal for choir was tonight, 3 hours of singing, that wore me out

i'm ready to sleep

fleah

2005-11-26T11:01:41Z

sshhhhh

i'm not dishappy.
duh

i have a butterfly stamp on my hand, it's pretty

what can i say man, i'm fucking happy.

haha

i'm a little ashamed of my writings that i wrote when i wasnt so happy

hmmm

lame o

oh well

unhappiness and sadness are just misperceptions of life in all of which is perfection

mmmm hmmm

k

good night to me

Shit man,.

2005-11-21T23:28:17Z

So i worked 30 hours this weekend, and i even went out to coffee with elise saturday night so i only slept 3 hours before i had to work yesterday from 7am to 10pm... i thought i was so cool handing all that work and not needing to sleep. and i was not too far behind on school or anything.

but then today i fucking could not get out of bed, it was like i had my head in a clamp, there was no way i was getting up at 7am, even though i went to sleep before midnight last night, i couldnt do it, the weekend had kicked the shit out of me.

so i slept until 11, and i was like, well i dont need to go to jazz workshop, which is my 11:30 class, i figured they might miss me a litle but it wouldnt be a big deal, then when i got there for choir at 12:30 barbara yelled at me, "Ryan Jess! you are in deep trouble!" i was like, what the fuck? what did i do? then she told me that the combo had performed today at school... i was like FUCK!
bad. bad. BAD.!

I've never missed a school performance, and it is a horrible thing to ever ever ever do! never miss your own fucking performances!!! WHATTHEFUCK!!!

so now i am really pissed at myself for trying to take on too much and forgetting about what is most important in my life. SCHOOL. If my teachers at edcc hate me, i might have a hard time having a normal career later on..

so i'm going to try very much to get my shit together. but i'm not going to cry or anything, this is life man. shit happens.
even if i end up having too low of grades to get into a good school, that may just be what happens. school can't tell me i'm a failure, fuck that. i'll find something else to do if this doesnt work out. I can always try to make it as a performance musician... just work really hard in a rock band or something... fuck man.

whatever, movin on...
luckily the JW combo is playing tomorrow, so i can perform with them, they're probably all really pissed off at me, oh well.
my choir concert is also tomorrow, that is going to be amazing.

i'm probably going to get my hair cut today, so that will be sweet.

and i can always just find ways to make up my mistakes to everyone i let down, i can stop skipping theory and actually read the chapters and do the homework, and i can work real hard on my trumpet playing and stop missing that class, and i can practice my singing so that i'm not one of the shitty tenors ever again, and i can do my journalism homework on time so that i'm not a pain in the ass for my teacher... and i can give all the JW kids candy or something... yeia

fuck

next quarter i'm not going to work more than 20 hours in a school week no matter WHAT. SHIT!

pffff

seriously

i've been doing this shit for like 2 or 3 years... these fucking bad habits. where do they come from?
i could track it to a certain relationship with a certain girl that i put way too much energy into and fucked up a lot of things for myself in the process.... but really it doesnt matter how i got this way, what matters is that i can't do this shit anymore.

today ryan gets a haircut and grows up... again.

muthafuckin live journal

2005-11-16T07:15:15Z

wow

poetry

i drank a beer and didnt do my homework yet

it will be amazing if i get it all done and get to school on time tomorrow

it isnt such a difficult task, i dont have to be there until 8:30 am, and the homework would probably only take me a couple of hours... however i have managed get get through 10 hours of the day after school without really doing any of my homework... how can i expect to complete it now, while i'm supposed to be sleeping?

music is sweet. its great to be so surrounded by it all the time, and i only get sick of it once in a great while, and usually its just that i get sick of looking at it the same way for too long... and its easy to find a new way to look at it.

love.... fucking love....

i dont know about that shit. it's been a long time since it's been real... and the last time it was real it was ruined by stupid things like her drugs and my ego and our emotional and psychological immaturity... i wonder if i will ever be able to love in an honest way again, i'm pretty sure i will be able to be honest, shit i'll probly be more honest than most people... but i dont know if i will be able to find a girl that is right for me... thats the problem i'm so fucking picky, everythings gotta be just right... i'm pretty sure i just dont want any love right now... at least not any sort of love that requires effort.

love should be easy, like just giving someone a hug... thats what i'm talking about. that is love, feeling love for someone and expressing it...
relationships are supposed to be sortof a continuation of this... like somone you know that will always be around to love you, and for you to love, or maybe somone that is there at least for a while... but fuck, it just seems to get so complicated. how does that happen?

ok this is good for entry NUMBER 1